Yesterday, I was so sad. There was a news story about a mother in Vermont. This is the story very basic without much added detail. She drowned her 2 little children in a river and then herself. What is happening? How can this Happen? Her children were 2 and 6. My baby just turned 2 and my other child will be 6 in a few days. I just cried from the Horror! Those little babies, those poor little babies. Only the fact that God is holding those precious babies can I lay my head down at night. I cry for the fact that they will never see their mother again!
It puts my heart at ease if I just say that she is a monster. She is crazy and/or any of the names that makes her different than me make me feel safe and better about myself. But what if she was just like me? What if she was just going through a lot and had some long hard days?What if the people around her didn't offer her any support. Or what if she had people who wanted to help her but didn't take the help? What if she was over stressed, over tired and overwhelmed with life and just needed a listening ear?
Like I said I don't have the details, but what can we learn just from the few facts I have shared?
I have been so blessed with a group of ladies that have taught me to take a break when I need it. They have taught me to ask for help. They have helped me seen the signs that show me that I am empty with no more to give and I just need a hot bath or to let the kids play in another room while I read a book. Thank you ladies of Mother Matters, you have change me for the better. I wonder who else needs to hear this message of rest.
It may not be a popular idea but what if we have failed her and she has failed us? Maybe we need to take a little more time to get to know the people around us. Maybe we need to do our part to help others and to ask for help when we need it. There is a perfectionist bug running around saying, WE HAVE TO DO IT ALL AND BE EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE. It is the lie of satan. We can never fill those shoes for perfection. We need help and others' need our help. Maybe we can come together as a human race and help each other (and not stab each other in the back like TV always shows).
We can't save her or her little girls. I can't save anyone at anytime because it is not my choice it is their choice to be saved or not, but I can reach out my hand and get to know the people around me and offer help. I can't make them take it but I can offer. The other thing I can do is take help from others (this is very humbling at times and very refreshing). Don't live in the lie of perfection, it doesn't exist, it is a lie and it destroys. As Christians I thought we were the body of Christ, aren't we suppose to be helping those around us even if it makes us feel uncomfortable? I am going to work hard at making myself reach out to others more. It's not my job to save but if God can use me as a vessel than He can do the saving!
"From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work." Ephesians 4:16
One body working together for the goodness and the glory of God. I want to be apart of that don't you?
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
The Homestretch Dash
Well, I am on the homestretch. My husband is at the Police Academy 2 hours away. He has been there since Jan 7. I have done a lot of praying while he has been away. I have been fixing me, learning to take some time for myself and learning a ton from this time of being a single parent. He does come home on the weekends, but living life only on the weekends is frustrating.
We only have 5 weeks to go, I am so encouraged and so excited because we have almost made it. There is one thing about the home stretch that is deceiving. We are almost there and that makes it easier to see the finish line but this is when I seem to be hitting the wall physically.
How is it that something right in front of me can be so hard to get to? I believe that mentally it is easier, but physically and emotionally we are so drained, we are giving all we have left to get there.
This morning I am having a problem forgiving. Me, the one who has to ask for forgiveness 50 times a day because I mess up constantly. How weird!?! So I know what my day will be full of, prayer. Please Lord soften my heart. We have all been through so much and the last thing we need is for my unforgiving heart to stand in our way now!
"This is what the Lord says to the people of Judah and Jerusalem:
“Plow up the hard ground of your hearts! Do not waste your good seed among thorns. O people of Judah and Jerusalem, surrender your pride and power. Change your hearts before the Lord,"... Jeremiah 4:3-4
I will be spending my day surrendering my pride and power. I do believe that is the reason for my unforgiving heart this morning ..ouch!
We only have 5 weeks to go, I am so encouraged and so excited because we have almost made it. There is one thing about the home stretch that is deceiving. We are almost there and that makes it easier to see the finish line but this is when I seem to be hitting the wall physically.
How is it that something right in front of me can be so hard to get to? I believe that mentally it is easier, but physically and emotionally we are so drained, we are giving all we have left to get there.
This morning I am having a problem forgiving. Me, the one who has to ask for forgiveness 50 times a day because I mess up constantly. How weird!?! So I know what my day will be full of, prayer. Please Lord soften my heart. We have all been through so much and the last thing we need is for my unforgiving heart to stand in our way now!
"This is what the Lord says to the people of Judah and Jerusalem:
“Plow up the hard ground of your hearts! Do not waste your good seed among thorns. O people of Judah and Jerusalem, surrender your pride and power. Change your hearts before the Lord,"... Jeremiah 4:3-4
I will be spending my day surrendering my pride and power. I do believe that is the reason for my unforgiving heart this morning ..ouch!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Happy Birthday Emma
My baby is 2 today. Through the eyes of a 2 year old life is so full and happy and bright. Happy Birthday Baby!
from learning to living
There is one thing I have learned about life. As God leads me down my path, I can learn all I need to know but it doesn't mean a thing until that knowledge goes from my head to my heart. I am amazed at the lessons I have been taught. Living those lessons have brought them into my heart. It's not just saying, it's doing. If the lesson never moves to the heart then it is just a bunch of stored information in my brain. Once I put the info into action it starts to sink to my heart and I really live it.
Yes, it is so simple in thought, but not so easy to live. If it was easy to live right then everyone would be doing it. It is a struggle, it is suppose to be and it is about making mistakes. I learn so much when I fail. I can let it beat me up (and sometimes I do for a while) or I can learn and next time fix it (or the 10th time fix it, my stubbornness makes it a bit difficult to get it right the 1st time).
I laugh because I have heard people say I am so smart, or I know so much. I don't feel that way most of the time. What I know is only because I have failed and failed big. I have done the wrong thing, said the wrong thing and blamed others. One day God blessed me with the knowledge that the only thing I can fix is the person I see in the mirror. I am trying to fix me one hurddle at a time. I feel ovewhelmed that I am never going to make it. I know that is a lie, because I won't give up, I won't give in and I won't settle for less then God has for me. I get discouraged and throw up my hands. Then I pick myself up, get down on my knees to pray and that keeps pushing forward.
All I can do is my best, no more. Today is just one more day of moving what I know from my head to my heart and becoming a better me.
Yes, it is so simple in thought, but not so easy to live. If it was easy to live right then everyone would be doing it. It is a struggle, it is suppose to be and it is about making mistakes. I learn so much when I fail. I can let it beat me up (and sometimes I do for a while) or I can learn and next time fix it (or the 10th time fix it, my stubbornness makes it a bit difficult to get it right the 1st time).
I laugh because I have heard people say I am so smart, or I know so much. I don't feel that way most of the time. What I know is only because I have failed and failed big. I have done the wrong thing, said the wrong thing and blamed others. One day God blessed me with the knowledge that the only thing I can fix is the person I see in the mirror. I am trying to fix me one hurddle at a time. I feel ovewhelmed that I am never going to make it. I know that is a lie, because I won't give up, I won't give in and I won't settle for less then God has for me. I get discouraged and throw up my hands. Then I pick myself up, get down on my knees to pray and that keeps pushing forward.
All I can do is my best, no more. Today is just one more day of moving what I know from my head to my heart and becoming a better me.
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